


you are the moon

by aerobreaking



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, for the crappy writting, i'm sorry??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 03:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4861259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerobreaking/pseuds/aerobreaking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Momo feels too much. Sousuke feels too little. Sadly, they don't meet anywhere in the middle. </p>
<p>i will bring a mirror, so silver, so exact<br/>so precise and so pristine, a perfect pane of glass<br/>i will set the mirror up to face the blackened sky<br/>you will see your beauty every moment that you rise<br/>(you are the moon, the hush sound)</p>
            </blockquote>





	you are the moon

Momo didn’t know when it actually started. He can’t pinpoint the exact moment that his feelings for his senior shifted from admiration to something more. It had snuck up on him, gotten under his skin, traveled through his veins, and settled in the chambers of his heart. 

He hadn’t even noticed it until Yamazaki- _sempai_ was one month shy away from graduation. The realization had been very anticlimactic, his senior had laughed—a _real_ ear to ear laugh—and Momo’s heart had done somersaults and _oh_. _Oh no_.

Despite what people may think, Momo is actually quite aware of his surroundings. He supposes that when people think he’s too much an airhead they don’t think twice about acknowledging that he actually does, in fact, have a pair of ears that work just fine. It’s easy to pick up their murmurs over the endless chatter of everyone in the pool. He knows Yamazaki Sousuke is the moon and he is nothing more than an admirer. 

He also knows, _of course,_ Yamazaki- _sempai_ is in love with Matsuoka Rin. He knows he doesn’t have a chance. He also knows, that he’s young and his feelings are fleeting. He’ll get over it.

So he doesn’t confess, doesn’t really think much of his feelings for his senior. Instead, he watches as he graduates and leave’s Samezuka onto bigger and better things. He doesn’t feel abandoned or betrayed, a bit sad, yes. But that’s a feeling he expects. Things he can easily manage with his bigger-than-life personality and his easily deceived heart.

As he had previously believed, once Yamazaki Sousuke is gone, his feelings fade. Gradually turning into simmers and then to ashes.

* * *

It is because of this, that when he’s in his third year of university and wakes up to Yamazaki- _sempai_ ’s sleeping face, he has the intense urge to regurgitate everything he had eaten the previous evening.  

“ _Fuck my life._ ” Is the only thing he can think while he tries to wiggle his way out of the bed. He’s naked, of _fucking_ -course, and sore and he’s also quite sure tiny humans had crawled into his cranium and were banging around in there without any remorse. The room isn’t completely dark so he’s able to pick up his clothes from the floor without much difficulty. 

When he finds his pants, he immediately digs his hand into his pocket, searching for his phone. When the numbers 10:15 are brightly displayed he almost lets out a shriek. Because he’s so, so late. He leaves the bedroom as quietly as he can and doesn’t actually start jumping into his clothes when he’s ready to go out the door. As he’s pulling on his shoes he briefly thinks of leaving Yamazaki- _sempai_ a note. He doesn’t remember much of last night, but he can put two and two together. Despite the burning remorse, Momo isn’t very inclined to leaving his partners without a word in the morning, even if said partner was his high school crush.   

So he jots down a quick note on one of the sticky notes that he finds pasted on the fridge. _Had to get to class. See you around._

_There, that should do it_ , he manages to convince himself. He gives a reason for his abrupt departure and a not-quite promise of meeting again. Because, by the gods, Momo was going to avoid him like the plague until he figured out his shit. He had rules that he imposed on himself, and crushes, however brief and hopeless they might have been, had been put off limits since the beginning. 

He hopes to whatever god is willing to listen to let this be the end of it. 

He closes the door quietly behind him, and despite his better judgment, doesn’t look back. He runs until he’s sure the ashes have remained ashes and the need to throw up is overtaken by the aches of his muscles.

* * *

But gods are known to be shitty listeners. 

It’s a Thursday night, and while his…friend is over, there is a knock at the door. He’s expecting it—the visit, he means—but when the he pulls open the door it is more than one person staring back at him. 

It’s Nitori Aiichirou and Yamazaki Sousuke. Nitori is looking at him with the most frightened eyes and the man beside him is the epitome of calm and control. There is a serene, almost fake smile on his lips and Momo knows that this is the prelude before disaster. 

It happens in a state of slow motion, he sees Yamazaki- _sempai_ ’s eyes leave him and turn to look behind him. At the same time he feels the warm presence of Maya at his back. He sees Yamazaki’s eyes go cold, and it’s truly a fascinating thing. He tries not to think about the implications of that. 

“Oh! Nitori-san!” Maya exclaims, moving in front of Momo and pushing him out of the way, “Come in! You too, sir!”

Maya is a nice girl, he’s not lying. She’s sweet, gentle, and she understands that Momo does not, and will never, love her. But that’s the thing, he knows that she will never love him either. She is just one of his two partners and she just happened to be here today of all days. Really, he hadn’t been expecting her, but she had come and he wasn’t about to throw her out because of Nitori. After all, his friend new of Momo’s arrangements. 

The thing about Maya was that she had no sense of danger. It’s a thing he will never be able to truly understand, because at the moment, the bloodlust in the room seemed almost palpable. Except, there shouldn’t be any bloodlust to begin with. Not from Yamazaki, it’s not his right. It’s not anybody’s right. 

As his high school _sempai’s_ come in and get situated into his tiny living room, he steels his emotions and refuses to feel threatened. 

They eat, drink, and laugh around the take out Nitori and Yamazaki had brought and it almost feels like the gathering of old friends except there is a thin veil of falseness over them. It’s almost enough to suffocate him.

It isn’t until Maya gets up and announces her departure that he gets a moment of peace. He walks her out, leaving Nitori and Yamazaki in his living room.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” Maya asks, as they make their way down the steps of his apartment complex.

“Yeah,” Momo responds, and that’s about as much as he can say.

Maya hugs him and plants a firm kiss on his lips, “Whatever you decide, Hirohito and I will support you. We care about you, you know that right?” 

He nods as he wraps his arms around her, her small body warm and comforting. Familiar, that’s what Maya and Hirohito were to him. Familiarity, stability, and the one’s who made him _live_ rather than just be alive. When they had first met, about two years ago, Momo was still wandering aimlessly in the world. But they had taken his hands, and smiled. Their smiles had saved him. They weren’t his reason for living, they just showed him who was. It was himself. Mikoshiba Momotarou, that’s who he was living for. He would always be grateful for that. 

As they separate they hear the steps of Nitori behind them. He smiles sheepishly, with hints of embarrassment. 

“Sorry for interrupting,” He murmurs into the night, “I have to get going.” He holds up his phone for proof, “Rin just called to let me know he’s home early.”

Maya laughs, “It’s okay Nitori _-kun_ we were just parting.”

“I’ll walk you to the bus stop,” He offers, looking expectantly at Momo. Telling him—warning him of what was to come. 

“That’d be great!” She replies and they’re off. 

Momo doesn’t immediately go back inside. Instead he stands on the last step of the stairs and waits for the sun to disappear completely under the horizon. As the lights begin to flicker on around him, he decides that he can no longer avoid it—he _does_ lives here, after all. He takes a breath and climbs the steps one slow heart beat at a time. 

He finds him rummaging through his fridge. Momo want’s to laugh at the plain normal-ness of the situation. Here they are, two people that have always had so much to say and never said anything at all. Two people that lit a fire in each other—not in a good way—and were left dealing with an inferno neither knew how to manage. So they let it consume them until there was nothing left. Nothing but ashes and dust and bitterness. 

And here Sousuke was, looking for a beer in his fridge. 

“I don’t have beer.” Momo thinks to say. Except, Sousuke probably already new that. 

“You left early last time.” He says instead. 

Momo takes a seat in his two-people dinner table, “I had class. Thermodynamics II, it’s a real pain.” 

“I could have driven you.”

Yes, yes he could have. But then—then what? He could have driven him and kissed him goodbye or driven him and what? _And what_?

“Nitori tells me you’re in a relationship with two people.”

Momo had kind of guess that. It really wasn’t a secret. Everyone new, his brother, his friends, everyone except, apparently, the moon. 

“What about it?”

“Nothing, just…curiosity. It’s difficult to cheat on one partner—but two? How did that conversation go? Or…have you not told them?”

Sousuke is leaning against one of the counters, looking at him with icy eyes. It’s really not fair. But Momo had always known Sousuke was cruel.

“I’ve told them,” Momo responds, easily, because what keeps any relationship going is honesty. That, and Maya and Hirohito deserved to know if he had used protection or not. (He had, of course, despite being shit drunk, he had used a condom he wasn’t that far gone. Sadly, he had been gone far enough to commit this blunder.) 

“That must be nice. How _accepting_ they are, how easily they share you with everyone else.” 

“It’s really none of your business.”

Sousuke doesn’t really listen though, “But of course, you’re very easy to share. You’ll climb into bed with anyone that pays attention to you. You’ve always been like that. It seems you haven’t really matured at all. Always bouncing from one person to another, trying to fill in the gaping hole I left behind.”

“Don’t talk to me like that.” Momo replies, very seriously, very quietly. 

“You’ve always been very fickle, hey,” He says, walking close to him and leaning down to whisper in his ear, “Have you loved anyone like you love me?”

Momo’s heart sinks. It sinks so far down and so far away he can no longer feel it beating. He knew. He had _always_ known. Something ugly and very dangerous rises up in the place of his heart. 

“You should leave,” He manages to choke out. “Right now.”

“No, I'm genuinely curious. You were very eager last time, despite it being such a long time, you still said it.”

“I didn’t…” Momo replies weakly, helplessly running through his memories trying to find truth in his words.

“Of course you did.” Sousuke says, smiling. “And I said it back. That’s all it took to get you into my bed.” 

“You _knew_.”

“It’s not like it was hard to tell. It’s always been written all over your face.”

Sousuke’s handsome face twists into snarl as Momo’s fist connects with his cheek. He stands from the chair as Sousuke tries to regain his balance but Momo tackles him into the ground before he manages to stand to his full height. 

He straddles him, and he’s about to punch him again when Sousuke grabs his fist and flips them around. Momo struggles against his hold, but the man on top of him is bigger and stronger and he’s kissing him. Momo feel’s tears welling up behind his eyes and he bites Sousuke’s lip as hard as he can. The man curses and pulls away, Momo takes the chance to get as far away as he possibly can. 

A minute of silence passes as Sousuke assesses the damage to his lip. Touching it with his hand and cringing when he pulls it back and it’s smeared in blood. 

“You should leave,” Momo says again, his voice strained.

“Momotarou I—” and that, _that_ is not acceptable. This man has no right to call him by his first name. He does not have that privilege. Not anymore. Because nobody really called him by that. It was always ‘Momo’ and he didn’t mind it. But Sousuke, back when they had briefly been together in high school, he had called him Momotarou and it had made him giddy with happiness and love. Because ‘Momo’ was the cute little brother, the loud underclassman, the easily excitable backstroke swimmer. But Momotarou was…Momotarou was…

Momotarou was Yamazaki Sousuke’s. 

Momo sits against the wall and looses a battle within himself. Despite his best efforts, tears slip out of his eyes. 

“No,” Momo says after a long silence. And everything just…comes tumbling out, “I have not love anyone else as much as I love you. I know, okay? I know I feel things a lot more strongly than other people. But I can’t help it. There are times when I feel so much, too much, that it gets tiring and overwhelming. I have a hard time controlling my emotions and things that come easy to other people are _so_ difficult for me. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by anxiety or sadness or happiness or _love_ and _I can’t help it_. These emotions are so heavy and I don’t know what to do with them. _I know_. I know I can be annoying and overbearing. I know that. Fuck you for making fun of that. Fuck you for making fun of _me_.”

“Momotarou I—”

“You should leave, Yamazaki Sousuke. Leave and leave me the hell alone.”

He does leave, eventually, after taking a long moment to stare at Momo’s defeated body against the wall. Like that dreaded day three weeks ago, one of them closes the door quietly behind him as he leaves, and doesn’t look back. 

**Author's Note:**

> should i continue this or naaa?  
> (sorry for the mistakes that you surely must have noticed)  
> to be honest, i love fluffy, overly sweet soumomo. i don't know why this turned out this way. this isn't what i was going for at all. but i think its okay?
> 
> in any case, i feel as though momo is the type to be very aware of his feelings, he just has a hard time controlling them is all. 
> 
> tell me what you think?  
> please?


End file.
